Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of fighting.

Be who you already are.

You are like me, then.

Who was the most ignorant American you have ever met?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Texas’ GOP congressional delegation meets to discuss redrawing districts ahead of midterms - The Texas Tribune

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Why does my 5-year-old daughter keep repeating the words 'they will come for us, they will find us and touch us'? I'm quite scared.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Can they start feeding only one meal to prisoners on death row or those doing a life sentence? Because only then will it be real punishment. If they want extra food they can work or pay from their own pocket.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Were there any friendly fire incidents involving American submarines, aircraft carriers, or battleships during World War II or World War I?

I had run out of hope.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Are you glad that political prisoner Andrew Tate has made it safely to the United States, where his freedom of speech is protected?

It’s here now, writing to you.

And the sadness?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Tom Hanks finally breaks his silence on daughter’s bombshell memoir: ‘Not surprised’ - New York Post

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

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But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Judge bars Trump administration from deporting family of Boulder attack suspect - The Washington Post

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

The sadness was still there.